Tell Me If It's Chilly Outside

It has been a while.
 
This leaves me short on words. I enjoy to write but as with everything you need to keep at it. There’s a natural fluidity to this sort of thing that requires momentum, it requires intentional care.
 
I’ve made a list. One that covers the top ten things I’d like to do with my life. Having this list offers direction, however loose it may be. Most of the tasks are in different directions. Making it difficult to prioritize. By suggesting a focus it embodies hope. Hope without clarity.
 
If I could just take the classes that interest me and then at the end of the 4 years slap a degree label across it, I would be happy. It doesn’t work that way, I’m aware of that. However, I don’t think that I’ll stop trying.
 
It has been a while.

So I’ve begun my journey with Sunny Day Real Estate. I’m working through their albums in chronological order. Their first album is titled Diary and I’ve just finished listening to it for the first time.

My first impression is that I like it. A lot. And I’m excited to move on to their next disc but am trying to not get my hopes too high. Diary sounds like so many other first albums. Obviously not a lot of money so the production quality is low and will only, presumable, get better as the albums continue. But it is still an album that I think I’ll be able to ignore the production because it is very strong in other areas. Many other bands that I typically listen to have that same problem but there are only a select few that I will still put in that first album and just forget about the production.

Production goes a long way in my eyes. So for me to be able to still listen to an album, that means a lot but only time will tell at this point. I’ve only listened to it once and am still going to have to compare Diary to their other albums.

I enjoy watching a band evolve throughout their records.

I want to relax.
I want to stop needing a plan.
I want to have fun.
I want to live for the sake of living.
I want to leave my potential behind.
I want to take life in stride.
 
 
 
…and I want to become who I was meant to be, not create who I want to be.

I’ve been running for a long time. I’ve seen far too many dead ends. I can’t keep on living like this.
 
I need direction. I need clarity. I’m working on a revelation.
 
I think, I have more to offer. I think, I should do because I can. I think envious thoughts.
 
I want this. I want that. I have a worn out treadmill.

I’ve got several friends with their own personal taste when it comes to music. Tapping into that vast well of musical selection is what I’m planning on doing.
 
Every week I’ll listen to a different band/artist. I’m going to give someone 4 weeks and they will hopefully help me in expanding my musical knowledge.
 
I already know who the best person to help me start this endeavor is.

I used to be very thoughtful and reflective throughout the day. I would internalize everything. No one had permission to hear my thoughts. It was mysterious, it was selfish, it was mine, it was how I liked it.

My word for this week has been intentional. I’m trying to be more intentional in my life. With friends, with exercise, with work and with my faith.
 
It hasn’t been going very well.

Learning is like women. The more available it is, the more whip lash you will endure. Never try to take everything in at once. Monogamy is essential. If you’re not going to give it your all then don’t even bother.

Fear is something everyone needs to overcome throughout life. Again and again fear will show up but not always wearing the same clothes.

How do you decide what you want to do in life? This question has evolved through the years. Started out as ‘What high school should I go to?’ then it became ‘What should I do after high school?’. After that it was ‘What should I do for the rest of my life?’ then ‘How do you decide what to do for the rest of your life’. Which pretty much brings us up to date.
 
I’m not looking for a finite answer anymore. I now just want something temporary. I can’t even decide on that.